Call Me, Beep Me
by midnightluck
Summary: A Kim Possible spoof featuring Roy Respectable. Some days it feels like the whole universe is out to get you. And some days, the whole universe really is out to get you.


__All recognizable characters belong to their respective owners (Cartoon Network, Disney Channel).__

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><p>"I won't say it."<p>

They stared at him.

"You can't make me say it, you know," Roy said confidently.

Robin pulled out his cell phone, and started pushing buttons.

"All right, all right!" Roy backtracked hastily. "I'll say it! Just don't—"

"Don't what?" Robin said lazily, snapping his phone closed and making it disappear.

"Just don't. I know the kind of stuff you have on your phone," he grumbled.

"But you're gonna say it, right?" Wally asked, bouncing in place.

"No. It's humiliating and degrading and nonsensical and—no, seriously, put the phone away."

Robin waved the little screen at him, and it was just enough time for Roy to get a glimpse of that one picture from that time that they were never to speak of ever again. He scowled.

"Five," Wally said, "Four, three, two, one!"

Their communicators beeped, Robin hovered his finger over the "send" button threateningly, and Roy sighed, activated his comm, and said, "What's the sitch?"

Robin and Kid Flash high-fived, grinning like loons. There was a beat of silence before Batman's voice over the comms said, "We've narrowed the target to the government building two blocks over. Projected entry is third floor, east side with an ETA of ten minutes."

Roy waited for Wally or Robin to acknowledge, but neither of them were on the roof anymore. "On it," he gritted out, reminding himself yet again they were both Bat-trained. He pushed the off button, heaved a sigh, and jumped off the roof.

It wasn't a long trek, and he made the specified window, and then entered through one on a different side, making his way to the room via the halls. He crouched in a corner, lying in wait. Neither Robin nor Kid Flash were visible, but then, they shouldn't have been.

Glass crashed, and a dark form tumbled through the window, breaking momentum with a somersault across the room.

"Oh, you again," Roy said, standing up and starting to grin a little bit. Encounters with Cheshire were always kind of fun, in a messed-up, backwards manner. And it didn't hurt that she was pretty.

"Hello, darling," Cheshire, well, purred. "Back for more?"

"Don't mind if I do," he responded, and shot several arrows at her as a feint, anticipating her dodge to the left, and aiming a net-arrow.

And then there was a nice little game of cat-and-cat as Roy tried to catch Cheshire with speed, and she tried to get in closer, to engage him in hand-to-hand. Well, you know. Probably.

Cheshire made a break for the stairs, and Roy went left, trying to get there before here, even though he knew he was too far away. He needn't have worried, though, because the door open and slammed back shut, and suddenly there was a streak of yellow leaning against it.

"Going somewhere?" Kid Flash asked in a faux-bored tone. Then he glanced up, and his eyes got wide. "You're Shego! Awesome!"

She stopped short, turning to face Roy. "Okay, look, I put up with a lot of shit from you hero-types," she said, planting her hands on her hips. "The least you could do is get my name right!"

"No, that's not—" Roy tried to explain.

Her mask cocked sideways, and she shrieked, "Red Arrow, you had better not be cheating on me with another villainness! I will kill you! No, I'll kill her! I'll—"

"I'm not!" Roy yelled above her voice, and then winced, because this whole situation was spiraling out of control quickly. All they needed to make this a complete disaster for Roy was—

"Call him, beep him, if you wanna reach him!" Robin sang out, flipping down from the ceiling. "Yo! What'd I miss?"

"I found Shego!" Kid Flash said, pointing, and then zooming over to lean on Robin's shoulder.

"She is!" Robin exclaimed, and laughed.

Cheshire paused, then said, "Shego? And the song..."

Roy looked at the ground, and all he could think was, _oh, shit_.

And because his friends hated him, Robin stepped up and said, "Ta-da! It's Speedy Spectacular! Or something. We're still working on the name."

Cheshire snickered, and Roy exclaimed heatedly, "This is _not_ my idea!"

Robin did something with some tech gadget in his hand, and Roy's voice said grumpily, "What's the sitch?"

She laughed, long and hard, and then, gasping, finally managed, "So which of you is the bumbling idiot sidekick? Flash Boy, maybe? Does that make Robin the naked rat?"

"Yes," Roy said quickly and a little bit meanly. "It does."

"Hey! It's Kid Flash, you know!"

Robin just shrugged. "Rufus is pretty awesome. I don't mind being him."

Cheshire was laughing again, and Robin was doing something on his wrist-comp that Roy really didn't want to know about, so he shot off an arrow, triggering the fire alarm just a little vindictively.

"Hey!" the three menaces whined.

"She's an assassin?" Roy reminded the two on his team.

"Yeah, yeah, take all the fun out of it," Robin complained, but he pulled out a pair of Bat-cuffs anyway.

"That's my cue," Cheshire said, flipping backwards out of reach. "It's been wild, Speedy Possible, or Speedy Spectacular or whatever. And team. Ta!"

Roy rounded on Robin. "Why would you even," he ground out. "I will never live this down."

Robin stuck out his tongue and ninja'd away through the shadows, and Kid Flash said, "Because we make your life interesting, and you love us for it."

"I do not," Roy said. "I hate you both with a passion, and I'd be fine with a nice boring life, thanks."

"Boy, are you in the wrong profession," Robin's voice came from the shadows, and Kid Flash just shrugged and zoomed away.

Roy took a brief moment to have a pity party before sighing and shooting a line across to the next building over.

He lays his bow across it, ziplining over to the fire escape and then climbing down. They had to go debrief after this, where Ollie would ruffle his hair and Batman would stare at them and Wally and Robin would never let this go and he would probably wake up to find his cell phone playing a customized version of 'Roy Respectable's' theme song tomorrow. At least they'd prevented Cheshire from stealing anything or killing anyone. "I hate my life," he mumbled, hitting the ground.

But underneath the aggravation and the embarrassment and the plotting revenge, he knew it for the lie it was.


End file.
